This has been a long time coming, because I’ve been waiting for the “right” time. To be honest, there isn’t a right time, nor is there a wrong time; not when it comes to happiness and staying true to who you are.
I am going to try to keep this as short and simple as possible.
The past few years have been a rollercoaster of emotions. Just like every other college kid, I think I have been trying to figure out who I am—as a person, as a student, as an artist, etc…
One aspect of that is what this post is about—my sexuality.
There. I said it. Here we go.
Honesty and trust are truly what keep all relationships healthy, and I feel I haven’t been able to have healthy relationships with a majority of my family and friends for quite a while (especially over the past year). And I believe that has a lot to do with the fact that I cannot be myself around them. However, there are a few that know the true me—the true Jacob—and I am thankful for the deep bond and support that has blossomed from the truth that I have shared with them.
Long story short… Yes, I’m gay. For everyone who has had a hunch, a question, ridicule, a joke, a comment concerning my sexuality, I’ll clear it up for you, and tell you that yes, I am gay.
I could not tell you why it has taken me so long to be honest with everyone. I have known for quite a while and honestly have not had the guts to tell a lot of people. When I look back, it seems fear was the biggest obstacle. I was scared of what people would think, what people would do, what people would say, if my family would disown me, if people would laugh at me, and the list goes on and on and on… However, I have come to the realization that life is fragile and life is short. I cannot keep burying the person I truly am. I am sick of being upset or worried or fearful or anxious of what people might think. It takes a toll on me—mentally and emotionally. Most people will never understand. It’s hard when the society you live in tell “your kind” that you aren’t accepted, that you’re wrong, that you’re going to hell, that you’re a faggot, that you’re not normal… You begin to want to change yourself. Insecurities arise and take over, and you begin to question if you are even normal. It’s not an easy path, but it’s the one I’m choosing.
Homosexuality is not a disease, and I don’t believe that I should have to be cautious of who I show my love towards. I don’t think I should have to take the time to set people aside one by one and tell them I am gay. Why is who I’m choosing to love an area of my life that I must get others’ approval on? Again, this isn’t a disease. I’m not dying. This doesn’t change the person I truly am. I am no different.
I’m not doing this to create some sort of ruckus or riot or what have you, I’m doing this because I think there are individuals out there that are suffering, that are depressed, that are scared to let everything go and be their true selves. It absolutely sucks and is incredibly disheartening that we live in such a twisted society that accepts some of the most bizarre immoral things, but is disgusted with “unconventional” love (even though it is, in fact, still LOVE.) I want to be a light to those individuals. I want to lift the weight off of their shoulders. I want to help them. We are all human. We are all equal.
As I sit here—my fingers shaking and tears dripping on my keyboard, I know that I will have friends that will stick by me through everything, and I know I will have friends who will probably not. I am just ready to be carefree.
I want to show love and to show others that love doesn’t have to fit people’s close-minded definitions. I believe love is what this world lacks.
I’m just letting it all out tomorrow.
And I don’t care.